| Hide the Booze |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|02:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Casey Jones- Carl Got Laid | ] |
This is Chris Conroy, my roommate of 3 years
If there was one term that sums him up (besides huge asshole) that term is Straight Edge. In my past experiences in rooming with him, very rarely has my drinking and his being lame clashed.
This is our other roommate Jeff’s friend Kevin
It’s Kevin’s 21st birthday. What do most 21 year olds do on their birthday? That’s right, play scrabble. But Kevin was too thirsty to play scrabble. So Jeff invited a few of him and Kevin’s closest friends over to drink
 
Matt Greg
(Artists rendition)
Unfortunately for them, when they left to go get snacks at Stop & Shop, they forgot to lock their door. That’s when a little game called Hide the Booze began…
It started innocently enough
Then got progressively worse
And worse
And worse
 <~ that’s our shower drain
After 4 minutes of searching
 
And a minute and a half of digging through the trash
They finally found all the booze
And it was the best 21st Birthday ever
Happy Birthday Kevin!
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| Summer Sizzle |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|05:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Joe Walsh- Lifes Been Good | ] |
Gunz for Funz
What happens when you mix boredom with pellet guns with 5 of the baddest dudes (and Greg) around? 3 Criminal charges, the highest form of judicial probation available, dorm arrest, dismissal from the orientation program, and a near $12,000 damage bill.
…The end of the school year was interesting to say the least. But now that it has blown over summer was able to begin
Life’s Been Good (Short blurbs to catch you up)
~I have spent almost everyday this summer with my partner in crime Kimball. We have deemed it the summer of TV shows on DVD. And by that I mean I got her into Rescue Me, selfishly of course because I wanted a Rescue Me buddy. She loves it almost as much as she secretly loves me.
~I have also taken up two new hobbies: Grilling and applying Burn Cream
~My beard has also started to grow ridiculously long while waiting for Jeff to film my Scene. It now has curls
~In addition to our 3+ year ritual of Monday Night Street Hockey we have started up a new tradition recently entitled “The Kick Out”, which takes place on Wednesdays. It's our version of a cookout followed by a game of Wiffle or Kickball. Needless to say, life is pretty rad.
~There is also a new girl in my life which is also just as rad as Grilling, but a notch below my awesome beard.
~Kimball and I also broke down and bought Guitar Hero which is probably the greatest summer purchase I have made since buying more pellets
Boiler Room Pet
I am of course a Mechanical Contractor again this summer. Which is the most desirable summer job I can think of. What’s a better way to beat the heat then work 9-12 hours a day on 110 degree boilers?
The news isn’t all bad though. Not only do you meet a lot of interesting characters (like Leon, the toothless skirt chaser) sometimes you also get a pet.
The “Scotch Marine” boiler is about 8 feet tall and has two removable doors on the front. After unbolting the first door and taking it off I heard my dad say “phew, no birds in here.” I didn’t think much of it until I removed the second door and staring back at me almost eye level was a dead Pigeon. Needless to say it startled the shit out of me. Here's a sketch
I have been doing boiler work since I was little and have never once seen an animal make a boiler their preferred habitat.
The Pike Bike
Kimball won a chance to win the Pike Bike which is a $40,000 motorcycle that was given away by 100.1 The Pike. Essentially it was a raffle where they drew a name out of a bingo tumbler until they were left with 10 names. Then they would use slingshots similar to the ones we used to fling water balloons at people from the 3rd floor of Campus Center to fling 9 t-shirts to contestants saying “Loser” and one saying “Winner.” Whoever got the Winner shirt got killed
I’m only kidding, but after looking at the crowd of people there it would have seemed like a more appropriate prize. There were badass 50 year old biker babes, fat old bikers (and not the tough ones either), a really shitty band that was fronted by what I’m pretty sure was a woman that looked something like this:
And one gigantic tranny
Kimball and I had just purchased Guitar Hero a few hours earlier and were chomping at the bit to go play it. While neither of us wanted to admit it we both wanted nothing more then to get the hell out of there and play Guitar Hero. While explaining how the drawing was going to go the MC informed us that all of the losers would get shirts that said “I qualified to win The Pike Bike and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” After originally telling me how embarrassing it must be to get eliminated first Kimball’s face lights up and says “OH MAN! I don’t care if I am eliminated I just want that shirt” Luckily she got her wish.
MC: Alright everyone lets get this thing started. Our first loser, ahem, I mean “non-winner” is Katlyn….KIMBALL!”
I start laughing really hard at my friend’s misfortune because hell she got eliminated first. She had the exact same odds of being eliminated first that she did of actually winning the fucking thing. Also I got to go play Guitar Hero. So it was win win…and lose.
Language Barrier
Blake came back for the 4th of July weekend. Factor in a naive 18 year old Italian exchange student who has a very limited grasp of English who was sitting next to him and of course you are going to have a story. After dodging the explanation of what “The Shocker” is Blake starts telling one of many vibrator stories. So you hear this Italian girl say “Vibbbatorrrr?” Dane of course tries to play it off and dodge this one too. Blake on the other hand is too quick and cuts Dane off by snatching (hello pun) a Gatorade bottle off the table and going “it’s like” then proceeds to spread his legs shove the bottle in-between them, move it around and make some sounds that were probably supposed to resemble a buzzing noise. The girl then starts to laugh awkwardly (because we were all dying laughing) while also avoiding all eye contact with Blake….
…Welcome to America….Bitch
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| MasterbAsian |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|04:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | reminiscent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Beach Boys- GTO | ] |
We are now a week removed from my Birthday which I would consider a swell one. I spent it with good friends, I got great gifts and I saw an Asian man jerk off.
But before I get to that...
There has become a new tradition in the campus center. I would go as far as to say it has united the floor. We have begun throwing water balloons at people. Seeing as how we are 3 stores up and love to cause trouble, I am surprised we haven’t thought of it sooner. There have been many awesome occurrences in the water ballooning extravaganza.
* Us vs. The Jocks: We got into a water balloon fight with the jocks. They were very upset and one of them tried to throw a water balloon back into the room. He had a great arm and an even better aim because his first throw almost got into the window. I say almost because at the last second Vinny pulled his shade down and the balloon hit the shade. It didn’t break though. Instead of bursting upon impact it rolled down the shade, fell into the room, and still didn’t break. Vinny grabbed the balloon and threw it back at the jock. The guy stood there like he was going to catch it but at the last second remembered it was a water balloon and moved out of the way.
* An Old War: Chris and Jeff both went out with a girl whom in an effort to hide her identity I will refer to as “licia.” They had thrown balloons at her before but never actually made contact. She has been daring us to actually hit her with them and has been taunting us for the better part of a week now. Well that all changed today
We noticed her and “egan” (again hiding identity’s) leaving Yamawaki and heading towards our building. Unfortunately they noticed us and decided to take a much longer route that doesn’t lead them right into our moist little trap. After sticking my head out the window after a few minutes had past I saw them across the street flipping us off. The funny part is that they thought they have won when in reality we made them change their route to a much longer and much more scenic one. Their love of losing didn’t end there.
Jeff, Vinny, and I run out with water balloons in hand to attack them. We stalk them for a little bit and then unleash the fury of six well placed water balloons (minus the one I threw at “egan” and missed). There they stood, wet and defeated.
* Thirsty No More: Every Thursday at least one party in the building next to us gets broken up, which means a crowd of about 150 people are left standing outside. Many of those people pass through our splash zone. Well such a case happened last Thursday that got out of control quickly.
Let’s just say that a mob of 150 people congregated outside of our window that wanted our blood. It got to the point where the cops came to our door not once but twice. The first time they came up and asked us to stop. They were very polite but declined my offer to throw a balloon at the crowd. Jeff asked why we had to stop. Just at that moment a rock flew into the open window and almost hit Jeff in the head. The cop replied “that’s why.”
And we did stop…for about 10 minutes. There was a group of girls (who are by far the most fun to get) that were asking for it. So we gave it to them. They started screaming and were relatively upset. You see the fun in getting girls on a Thursday night is that they are usually dressed as sluttily as possible. This makes for maximum soakage. After getting them from our window we ran down the hall where we pegged them from Rich and Scotts room. We hear more cursing directed towards us and also saw one of them run to a near by cop car to tattle on us.
Once again the cops came to our room but were a little sterner this time. Vinny asked the question that was on most of our minds and I’m sure yours as well. “Do you mean stop throwing balloons for tonight or forever?” “For tonight” was her reply. Which means more hilarity is bound to ensue.
But I am sure you are wondering where I am going with all of this? On April 3rd we were waiting perched above the splash zone when we looked out to the hot action room (nicknamed as such for the previous tenant’s inability to close the blinds ever) and saw one of the all time funniest things I have ever seen. There was an Asian man in the room going to town on himself. I’m not sure if there is an Asian translation for the word discreet, but we need to find it and tell him. It was night time and he had all the room lights on and was doing it right next to the window. So for 10 hilarious minutes Jeff, Vinny, Chris, and I watched him burp the worm. While he was doing such Vinny started throwing water balloons at his window and the guy did not flinch! He didn’t even stop to assess the situation he just kept the 5 on 1 assault going. Once he shot putty at the moon all four of us began to cheer as loudly as we could out the open window.
I’d say it was a pretty good Birthday, wouldn’t you?
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| The Homeland |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|11:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | On Broken Wings- Frozen Over | ] |
The Streak:
The streak has come to and end. I have finally skipped a class. In my 3 and a ½ semesters at Lasell College, I have never once missed a class. That’s counting illness, other commitments, and hangovers. It’s not so much that I care about school. I’m not a great student so I feel that if I go to all my classes my professors will be more inclined to pass me based on me always being there…and the fact that I put out. I skipped my Effective Speaking class so I would be able to kick off my Spring Break early. Where did I go for spring break you ask? Montreal, Canada.
Oh Canada:
I am ¾ French. Much of that is French Canadian, so I was pumped to be going back to The Homeland. We left promptly at 1:00 but made a detour at Wal-Mart for supplies that set us back an hour. The drive up was pretty uneventful. I say uneventful because a majority of it was spent driving through Vermont. The sign for entering Vermont couldn’t have been blander, which I thought was ironic considering how outrageously awesome Vermont was.
We crossed the border with ease. Dan had recommended we buy our booze at the Duty Free Shop. Unfortunately Dan forgot to mention that the Duty Free Shop was on the other side of the highway. So we parked at the border and walked over to it. Once we loaded the car up a Mountie came over and scolded us. I didn’t realize it was a Mountie right away though. It just looked like some sweaty guy in a black coat. I was expecting something along the lines of this:
Crusin’ For a Boozin’:
After arriving at the hotel and unpacking we decided that we should cook some dinner, but first we need to make booze run. Kimball, Vickie, and Blake bought from this expensive lavish high-end liquor store, while Tin and I bought beer from a Japanese man who spoke French.
Stupid Vinny:
After dinner and some drinking I had gotten in touch with Vinny who was on almost the same identical trip that I was. He went up the same day as me, left the same day as me, and was staying 6 minutes from where I was staying. So we all decided to meet up with Vinny and his crew. If any of you remember the Stupid Vinny post I made you will know before hand that he isn’t the brains of our group. He called to let me know what bar he was at. I asked him where it was and he told me “on the corner of St. Catharine’s…and Burger.” The problem with those directions is that there is no Street named Burger. There was a Burger King on the corner, but no Street named Burger. Stupid Vinny
The girls were also a problem as well. Unfortunately for Blake and I, the girls we were with were stereotypical girls (and by stereotypical girls I mean they are not smart) and forgot their I.D’s. So they went back to the room while Blake and I hung out with Vinny for a little bit. After consuming a pitcher in about 10 minutes I had a fun walk back to the hotel with Blake. To make a long story short I puked on some guys bicycle. Showed him.
Southern Comfort:
After waking up the next morning I realized that I might have purchased too much booze. I merely wanted a few drinks here and there but realized if I didn’t get my act together quickly I would have wasted $35. So Tin and I started cooking lunch (and by cooking I mean I put squiggles in a toaster) so I cracked open a brew with Blake and we dedicated the next 3 hours to heavy drinking. After lunch the women left to go shop. The men stayed in and drank, watched Family Guy, and had a dance party to sandstorm.
Unfortunately the dance party led to a noise complaint. That kind of stuff is expected though when you listen to Sandstorm. As the story goes, the family next door was from Tennessee. So Blake (who is stationed in Georgia) starts laying on the southern accent and charms the pants off of them. They are so impressed with him being in the service that they want to take him out to dinner. So the ladies and I go around the block while Blake proceeds to get 8 beers and a $33 steak out of them.
Crescent St. (The Blue Light Special):
After our meal we waited for Blake back at the room, and once he arrive we were off to Crescent St. Crescent St. is their main street. It’s where all the bars are and apparently where all the strip clubs are. It seemed like every third building was either a porn store, a porn booth, a dirty movie theater, or a strip club. It was decided that the ladies would find a club and dance and drink for a little bit while Blake and I went to a strip club. Not just any strip club though, a “full contact” strip club. After leaving the girls we had 2 options. Take a left and go back the way we came where we saw plenty of places that promised boobs, or take a right and venture. I chose to go right simply because I saw a sign that said “Amusement”. In my book “Amusement” means “tits.” Unfortunately in their book it meant Crusin’ U.S.A because it turns out that place was an arcade. The place next to it however had promises of XXX activity. After a flight of stairs Blake and I were smack-dab in the middle of a jerk pad. Turns out this place is where you go if you would like to pay someone to let you jerk off in a room no bigger then a closet. After laughing at some sleazy French dude in an overcoat Blake and I kindly left.
We decided to back track. I’d like to say that with all the sleaze on these streets (when I say sleaze I mean there are screens above the logo to the clubs with full porno movies going) we took our time in picking the right strip club. Truth is we just went into the first one we saw. But they were playing Soulfly so it couldn’t have been all bad. Come to think of it that was an odd music choice for a strip club. Once we get in there and sat down, Blake gets pulled away but what I’m guessing was a stripper. He disappeared for about 15 minutes, or as I calculated it 3 Guns & Roses songs. It’s also a weird feeling to bump into a woman, than realize she was trying to get around you so she could get naked on stage.
Blake returned from his $40 dollar private lap dance and we exited. While outside a man with a guitar started talking to Blake and gave him a blue card. Apparently the guy recommended a place was called “Corps a Corps” and was a “massage” parlor. The man told Blake it was around the corner. We turn the corner and see this blue light pouring out of a door way. Blake still wasn’t sure which place was it. I don’t know if my description can do this place justice. The door for the entrance was in a stairwell. While there was a bunch of blue light pouring out, there was no blue light in the stairwell. There was however camera’s at every floor. There were 4 floors and not a single door until you reached the 4th floor. When you finally get to the top you notice you are in an empty bar. There are chairs set up in front of a stage and the only people in there are you, the “bartender” and some girl wearing a fishnet body suit with nothing underneath. This guy was not shy about what they did at all. If you were in the states you would be talking in code. Blake asked “So what do you guys do here?” The man replies with “We sell sex, $100 hand job, $130 blowjob, $150 full service.” Blake asks him to repeat. I thought Blake just wanted to hear the guy say hand job again because he said it funny (due to his thick accent). The man repeats his speech, after he is done I look at him and say “too rich for my blood”, and I leave. Blake stays and thinks about it for a few seconds, but leaves as well. We end up meeting up with the girls at the club.
At the club a guy ends up walking up to Kimball and Tin and starts flirting with them. I’m in this circle as well and start to feel kind of left out. So I start flirting with him. Kimball and Tin start getting the biggest kick out of it. They decide that they have had enough and that they want to leave and since I had to be up in a few hours to drive back (since we left early Sunday morning so Vicki could make her flight) I decided that I would escort them back. I inform Blake and Vicki that we are using the buddy system and that they are now buddies. Unfortunately Blake likes to get drunk and wander away. So after arriving back at the hotel, we get a frantic phone call form Vicki trying to figure out where Blake is and her not knowing how to get to the hotel. We instruct Vicki to take a cab back and not to worry about Blake. Vicki and Blake both make it back safe but separately. Funny thing is Vicki’s cab was $25 and Blake’s was $10…psh, women.
The Streak 2.0:
We ended up heading out early Sunday morning. I would say the drive back was uneventful but another streak came to an end. I was pulled over for the first time and given a speeding ticket. I was going 81mph in a 65mph. Fucking Vermont; I hated that place since the beginning
To Montreal |
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| Roman Candle Goodness |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|02:25 pm] |
After a night of drinking at Forest I had returned home. Once I had entered the room Chris informed me not to fall asleep because we were lighting one of Vinny’s roman candles at 4 in the morning. It had started snowing here and we were expecting blizzard like conditions so it was decided that we would light the candle when the conditions grew worse.
What followed though were some cool candle shots
and a confrontation with some nosey drunks
Enjoy
(Here is a Rapidshare link incase the yousendit goes down)
Ps: Jeff named the file “Fireworks Faggotzzz” because it appears that the only comebacks the drunk dudes had were calling us gay.
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| Feisty The Snowman |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|07:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Chordettes- Mr. Sandman | ] |
After an exhilarating game of Mario Soccer, Vinny and Jeff decided to go outside and play in the snow that had settled from the blizzard earlier that morning. Chris and I didn’t go out right away for whatever good reasons we had at the time. Chris was going to meet L2 outside so we decided to go meet up with Vinny and Jeff and play in the snow.
After not being able to find them Chris and I decided to make a snowman. But not just any snowman…the toughest most badass skirt chasing snowman that has ever been constructed. This is his story…
FIESTY THE SNOWMAN
After all of the basic construction such as eyes
We started to realize just how creepy this Snowman was
It’s about this time Vinny and Jeff showed up
Earlier I had placed a stick on Feisty's crotch so he would be able to bone all the frisky Snowwomen. This didn’t look too good and Jeff [being an expert sculptor] decided to sculpt him a snow penis
Turns out Jeff is a crappy sculpter. So Vinny decided to make a snow penis while I gave Feisty snowballs.
Vinny’s snow penis was much better then Jeff’s and my lame attempts at making one. He took care and precision in sculpting that cream stick
After making Feisty’s hot snow package we couldn’t help ourselves
We are all very proud of Feisty
He is the most Beautiful Snowman ever
The End |
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| Pirating, The Police, And Me |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|01:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Lucky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stephen Lynch- Craig | ] |
"Perhaps I should take a break from doing illegal stuff"
~Justin Marquis
 Pirating (V)- To shine high powered lights at pedestrians and people in parking lots
Tonight started like any night. We went Pirating. I have never been involved in the sacred art of pirating. Blake and Dane usually go and take pictures of people roaming the streets of Webster. If you are not familiar with Webster think of it as Worcester except dirtier and with more scum…oh and a kick ass Chinese place, but that is neither here nor there.
I had met Justin at his house with the intention of him driving because I knew that no matter what happened tonight, me driving was a bad idea. The plan was to meet Blake and Dane at Papa Gino’s in Webster and then to take one vehicle to “Pirate” in. After arriving at papa Gino’s Justin and I approached Blake’s car. Apparently Blake was dozing off so when I knocked on the window his first reaction was to draw his Glock on me.
Blake broke out the two lights. One of them is a 1,000,000 candle light and the other is a 3,000,000 candle light. With it being the year 2005, I have no idea why we are still measuring light in candles. Furthermore I have no idea how they can get an accurate reading on how many candles it would be. While sitting in Blake’s car we realize that there might be people we know in Papa’s so we shine the light in…and keep shining it in. We eventually go inside to check it out and are greeted by Paulie C-Man C, Greta, Johanna, and 2 other dudes. After shooting the shit with them for about 5 minutes we noticed a squad car driving around in the parking lot, we also notice it moving very slowly and suspiciously as if it were looking for someone, preferably with a flashlight/ high powered search light.
After leaving we decided that we needed a bullhorn as well…you know, to REALLY get their attention. While pulling out of the Papa Gino’s parking lot there was an SUV of thugs that we hit with the light. One of them was staring at his bling so with all the reflection I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have eyes. After shinning the light on the guy collecting carts we were informed that they were open another half hour. After asking the customer service desk as suspiciously as possible where they were located, we never were able to locate them, and probably just as well. Who needs to get pulled over…?
We retrieved Dane and Ben and off we were to go Pirating. Luckily Blake has a pirate CD with pirate songs. So while the shanties were going, so were the lights. As we left the Papa Gino's parking lot we saw the thugs again and hit them with the lights. But really its been about 40 minutes that they were hanging out in that parking lot, their pizza isn’t that spectacular, its good but not “40 minutes to digest in the parking lot” good. We are cursing around shining lights at people for a good 45 minutes. During which we get the genius idea to go threw the McDonalds drive thru and pretend we are looking for lost change with a 3 million candle light. As we are about to give our order some mid 20’s college drop out pulls next to our car to offer this sound advise “Ya’ll are gunna get pulled over by the police if you keep that up” (Foreshadowing?)
We decide to meet up with Kimball, Marky Hannon, Maryo, and Wrist. We pull into the parking lot of the bowling place they went too. We see a red car much like the one Mary drives and decide to Pirate it. As we drive up to them we have the lights going full blast only to realize that it’s not so much Mary as much as it is 3 very angry men.
After several calls to meet them we never really run into them and decide to do more Pirating. After cruising Main St. some more we notice a SUV seems to be going the same way as us an awful lot. After a few side turns down some back roads and side streets we realize that we don’t just have similar destinations, we are now being followed in what can be only be described as the safest and slowest getaway possible. Justin doesn’t know Webster at all so he is driving as cautiously as one can. We were in this chase for about 15 minutes; they did not want to stop. At one point we told Justin to go straight, instead he tries to be a hero and takes a right into what he though was a side road but is actually a tiny parking lot with only one exit, which just so happens to be the way we came in. As we do a quick donut the other car tries to T-Bone us. We make it out unscratched. Justin started pulling out more of his clever evasive maneuvers such as putting on his left turn signal, and then turning right (wonder how we didn’t lose them on that one?). We end up going through a do not enter sign at what I think was a church. Everyone starts celebrating because we think we have lost them. We end up coming out of the road just in time for them to meet us as its one big horse shoe. After some more following Justin takes a swift turn into a parking lot that leads to a side road, as we are coming down the side road we realize they pulled over into the exit for that road trapping us. One of the guys gets out of the car and starts walking towards us. Justin backs up and Blake shines the light at him. The chase was still on and we only lost them by sheer luck. After taking a left they got caught up at a stop sign.
We decided that we had too much heat on us. The entire night we had been seeing a bunch of cop cars in parking lots and driving up and down streets, but never really thought much of it. The game plan was to switch vehicles and take Blake cars. We were on our way to Papa Gino’s and were about 500 ft. away when all of a sudden Justin notices that a cop car turned around, then Dane notices that their light are on. We pull into a Wallgreens parking lot that was deserted. Luckily it was deserted because what we thought was one cop car ended up being 3 police vehicles (2 cop cars and a SUV). Dane scrambled to hide the lights in the back. Then we hear a gentle tapping at Justin’s window. Then we hear a pounding so hard that I was sure the glass would explode on Ben’s window. Once there pounding on Bens window there was pounding on all of ours. The police weren’t as polite and well mannered as you’d think. Every sentence they used began and ended with the work “fuck”. They also like to sandwich some fucks in the sentence for fun. Everyone got out of the car except for me because I was having some trouble with my seat belt. Some how in all the confusion I managed to get tangled in the damn belt. Luckily one of the 6 officers told me not to get out…after about 6 seconds she then ordered me to get out. We then had to put our hands on the car. The officer closest to Blake kept saying how we were all taking a trip down town.
Justin got asked the standard questions such as if there was anything they needed to know about blah blah give us bribes. I then got searched by this cop which was an experience I won’t soon forget. He points to pockets and asks what are in them, then to verify he grabs said object. First was a phone, then a wallet which when he grabbed was dangerously close to my balls. Then he asked what was in one of my coat pockets which I didn’t know. But saying the words I don’t know to a cop is basically translation for guilty so I guessed and said a boiler fitting…turns out it was a set of keys. Then I told him an I pod, Transmitter for the I Pod, and a bandana and a whole lot of tissues.
At this point my phone started going off. We were supposed to meet up with everyone else for appetizers. Well they decided to call my phone to find out where we were. The thing is they didn’t stop calling my phone. I don’t know if you’ve ever been patted down before but you’re not really in a position to be taking phone calls or even shutting your phone off. So after it going off 3 separate times one of the officers asked “Whats that noise?”
While collecting my license one of the women cops went threw my wallet. What I failed to mention in this post or to anyone who was with us, we all went to Adam & Eve the other night which is for lack of a classier word, a porn shack. I took some business cards so my wallet was full of them. Luckily to make small talk she commented on my 6 flags season pass. She said “oh you have a 6 flags season pass?” I was trying to be as least threatening as possible so I replied with “yeah, I do enjoy amusement parks.” Really who is going to arrest someone while they are talking about rollercoasters?
This is where the potential for being screwed comes in. When going through Justin’s wallet he had 4 layers of ID cards. On top was his regular ID, under that was his gun license, then there was his college ID, then under that was his brothers ID stating that he is 23 which Justin shouldn’t be legally carrying. Luckily the officer stopped at the college ID. The other potential for being screwed moment comes in the fact that originally Blake wanted to bring his Glock with him. Luckily Justin talked him out of it. Could you imagine getting pulled over by 6 officers and having a gun on you without a permit?
The officers were joking around a lot, and the weird part about it was that some of them were actually being kind of funny. So it’s hard to judge when you should laugh and when you shouldn’t. One of the cops was searching Justin’s back seat and said “why am I searching with this dinky little flashlight when I can use this 1 million candle one!” She then becomes really pleased with herself because she stumbled across what she thinks is evidence. She finds and package wrapped in plastic
Winner Cop: Mr. Marquis, what is this!
Justin: That’s a rain poncho
After fucking with us for a while they ended up gathering us around and talking with us. They found out Ben was in school to be a Nurse. One of the guy officers said
Top Gun: You’re training to be a male nurse?
Ben: Yes sir
Top Gun: Way to go Focker
They then gave a speech about how they had done stupid things when they were 17 and were going to let us off with a warning. It was weird because the beginning and the end of our visit with the police were too total opposites, they went from really hostile to really polite, and they even wished us happy new years.
After pulling away I had to ask… “So Blake, Dane, I realize this is my first time Pirating, but best Pirating ever?”
And it was…except for Blake whose car battery died in Webster. |
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| Stupid Vinny |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shattered Realm- No One Else | ] |
Vinny has done a lot of things lately to warrant this nickname. Usually about this time of year Vinny becomes Snowboard Vinny, a super peppy dude who is enthusiastic about all things, particularly snowboarding. Snowboard Vinny came to an end when he smashed his car into his girlfriends one day while following her home. While it wasn't a bad accident, he was upset. He wasn't upset about getting into the accident, rather he was upset about not having a cool accident story. I told him "Whats cooler than saying you rear ended your girlfriend?" His accident though gave birth to Stupid Vinny.
Stupid Vinny has been saying and doing things that are completely without logic and in a word, stupid. Here are just a few chapters in the book of Stupid Vinny
~ You know those pop up ad’s that say “Shot Bin Laden and win an Xbox 360?” He accualy did one in hopes of winning an Xbox 360. His reasoning?
Vinny: I really wanted an Xbox 360
Now his Lasell email box is flooded with junk mail.
~ We were filming a movie in which he had a beard during the beginning of filming. We take a few days off from shooting, he completely forgets we are working on a movie and shaves it off.
~ Anytime he tries to defend himself he does more harm then good.
Example 1: Me: Shut up Stupid Vinny
Vinny: I’m not Stupid Vinny…I’m smart!...Vinny
Example 2: Chris: We’re all smart
Vinny: Wait a minute, I’m Smart Vinny now?
Chris: *sigh* yeah sure you’re Smart Vinny *sarcasm*
Vinny: Owned
~ He put off 2 papers and a video project so he had to do them all in the same night. Stays up all night working on all 3 projects and doesn’t get any sleep. On top of that, the previous night he only got 4 hours of a sleep. He comes into our room a little before 10 [extremely groggy mind you] to say goodnight. I go into his room half an hour later and he isn’t there. Instead of going to sleep he went to Target.
~ He went to Shaw’s with me because he needed to get duct tape. He couldn’t find duct tape so he bought a cake instead.
~ He got a 2 day rental from Blockbuster under his girlfriends ex boyfriends account and returned it 3 weeks late. On second thought maybe that makes him Smart Vinny. What doesn’t make him Smart Vinny though is the fact that when he went to return said video to Blockbuster, he drove all the way out there only to forget the DVD in his laptop.
~ He couldn’t flush a turd
~ He lost both his hoody and his backpack in the same hour. He couldn’t find his backpack because it was under the table where he left it.
Oh Stupid Vinny,
You make life worth living. |
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| Tornado Harvey |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|04:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bleeding Through | ] |
There is so much that I could write about this weekend. Blake came back from Iraq Thursday night and we all hung out. Saturday was the big hang out and hotel party. Rather then take you through a timeline of my events, I want to look at Saturday threw the eyes of another. This is the story, of Tornado Harvey.
“DON’T CALL ME HARVEY! MY NAME IS FUCKING HARLEY!” That seemed to be the battle cry for Harley this weekend. Wrist could not remember his name for the life of her and kept calling him Harvey. Once we all realized that this bother him [like good friends] we decided to keep calling him Harvey.
Harvey had purchased a handle of the cheapest shittiest Vodka he could, Burnett. He was drinking Burnett straight for the longest time which Justin thought was just disgusting. As I had said he was drinking it straight and ended up killing about half the bottle that night. So as you can probably guess Harvey was loaded.
After getting out of his chair, which he rarely did that night, he decided he needed to go to the bathroom. What was a routine chore turned into a catastrophe. As he got up he took 3 really large steps. Harvey is kind of a big dude, and by kind of, I mean extremely.
What you have to realize is Harvey went through a wide range of emotions in about 10 seconds. When he took that first step the look of glee in his eyes was breath taking. That second step was another joyess one in his journey to the pooper. That third step though…that third step was where it all went wrong. When his leg extended his knee caught the end of the bed. That threw his already impaired balance off. Once his knee clipped the bed he did his best spin move and tumbled to the ground. When he was going down though, his head smashed into the wall. He went from happy, to really angry, to the saddest sounding whimper I have ever heard.
That whimper was the last thing we heard from Harley for the next few hours because he KO’ed himself on the wall. The weirdest part about this whole thing is that it didn’t seem like he knocked himself out as much as it seemed like he just went into hibernation for a few hours, because once he woke up he got back to his feet and starting talking to us like nothing happened.
As the night progressed people started to tire out and settle down. Harvey was still awake in his chair drinking his shitty Burnett’s. Blake was laying in bed and his phone started going off.
Blake: Harley is this is you I am going to kill you
Harley: hehehehehehehehehe
Blake looks at the phone and rushes Harvey who is still in the chair. Blake is grabbing Harvey’s throat and choking the poor guy. I, being the only guy who probably could pull Blake off Harvey gets up and tried to pull him off. Blake was putting up one hell of a struggle however and would not let go. After finally wrestling him away from Harley and forcibly bringing him to sit down on the bed with me, Blake attempts to get me in a choke. After repeated trying to talk a very inebriated Blake down by reminding him I am his friend and friends don’t murder friends, everything was fine and we all went to bed without incidence.
Tornado Harvey will forever be remembered for his razzle dazzle spin move, and his razzle dazzle concussion.
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| Este título está en español |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|12:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Love Is Red- Sleepwalk | ] |
I have been here for almost 4 weeks now. Classes started Wednesday of last week, and I have come to a conclusion…
I think I am done with school
It was kind of neat last year. I did my work; I went to all my classes. But now I’m on my second year, and I realize that I am not really in the mood to work. It was cute last year, but the novelty has worn off. Eh, maybe I will just cheat my way through college.
In other news my Spanish teacher started an orgy. Well kind of, stay with me here.
Spanish is not my favorite class. I was never a fan of foreign languages in high school. I took French but didn’t learn a hell of a lot so I figured I would start from scratch with Spanish. Big mistake. She separated the class into 2 sections. People who have had Spanish and people who haven’t. After bringing those of us who haven’t had the privilege of taking a language to the front of the class she introduced a woman who would be aiding her for the next 2 weeks.
Why only 2 weeks you ask?
After the 2 weeks she is going back home…to Mexico. That’s right the teacher paired those of us who don’t speak Spanish with a Spanish woman who doesn’t speak ANY English. After failed attempts of trying to communicate with us we had a break through. I looked at her, she looked at me and I said “We are in quite the predicament aren’t we” She smiled and said Si…I’m not sure what that means though, I’m pretty sure she was taunting me.
Our regular teacher who is pretty nice but has a touch of the crazy started a make out party in class. Stay with me on this one.
She was explaining how the Spanish culture is different from ours. They kiss hello and goodbye. So she picked a guy and a girl out of the class and asked them to embrace. They looked at each other awkwardly and shook hands. She was not pleased. She asked them to kiss and they eventual pecked each other on the cheek.
This wasn’t enough however as she felt she had to really drive her point home. She then asked who in the class was Italian. Some students raised their hand. She then compared it to the Spanish culture in the way they kiss when they say hello and goodbye. She then proceeded to pick 2 new volunteers to try it again. This time though, both were girls.
Things were about to get a whole lot sexier.
So she pulls them up and asks them to embrace. They try to reason with her saying they don’t even know each others names. They eventually do embrace and a good laugh was had by everyone but them.
And to think I thought this class would just be a lot of sombrero wearing and taco eating.
Amen Speedy. Amen
~So Long Bitchez |
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